You know how you get rando mems that pop out of nowhere and into your head? This is the time of year that I always do quite a bit of reflecting and, as I age, there are more memories that flood back to me. As you age, your friends pass away, time goes faster (it really does), and, if you’re lucky, you get to enjoy looking back on all of the wonderful experiences you’ve had in your life so far.

I remember emailing my brother–with great excitement and feeling very, very proud of myself–from my laptop in the school library for the very first time. It was the first time I connected a machine to the internet without any power cable or ethernet connection. I think it was 2004. It was a moment that I felt like I lived in the future. It was a moment of awe.

I sent that email from my very first Mac, purchased in 2004 with my tax return (btw, I’ve since learned that you don’t want to get a chunk of money back at tax time. Read why.). It was a 17″ PowerBook G4 and my fingers were dazzled by every keystroke.

And then, again, in 2011, I remember sitting on my mother’s couch during a summer visit, watching videos by Laura Roeder, amazed at what I was learning. It was then that I’ve envisioned having an online business. And it’s been five years now that I haven’t developed the business — online, anyway.

I share these thoughts to not only free myself of them, but also to let you know that I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what I haven’t done and afraid of what I can do. But I’m sick of thinking about what I haven’t done. And I’m almost as sick of thinking about what I can do. So there is nothing left to do but to do it.

~S